“Thank you for showing up for yourself today.”
This phrase was said on the first day of my summer holidays in a yoga class. It really made me think about leadership. After a critical incident at the end of the academic year leaders at all levels were showing up for students, colleagues and stakeholders putting themselves in the mix but at the bottom of that list. A critical incident policy is a list of things to do and is incredibly helpful but we are not human doings. Human beings have to go beyond the to do list in a critical incident, managing their own emotions. Somehow leaders need to find moments of serenity during a sustained time period.
Serenity - the state of being calm, peaceful and untroubled.
As a trained mindfulness teacher I was able to notice my own emotional response to the incident but I knew I didn’t have the bandwidth to psychologically process that and make rapid decisions too. It was like being in the eye of a storm finding calm amidst the storm of emotions and decisions that I had to take. So the result at that moment was not to show up for myself but to be the servant leader responding to what our community needed. So where does the emotion go? It could be let out on a commute, in a conversation, singing along to music.
I have spent the past 6 years with wellbeing planned throughout my year so that when challenging moments occur I know reflection time is imminent. In the midst of the critical incident I looked up at the sky to prevent my emotions bubbling over as children had spontaneously arranged a silent vigil. My emotional response wasn’t needed at that moment for them, they needed silence and my role was to facilitate it as well as support colleagues. Answering questions from parents, taking phone calls from well meaning officials offering support - my emotions I could see, but the time wasn’t right as I needed to respond in a sensible way. Preferably without a shaky voice or teary eyes. I found calm, not a peaceful or troubled moment though.
Looking up at the skies I told myself that my psychological and emotional wellbeing time would come in just 7 schools days time, when the summer holidays began. On my commute there was a song on my playlist that kept repeating in my thoughts and into my summer holidays. Dancing through life from Wicked. Fiyero sings:
Dancing through life, swaying and sweeping
And always keeping cool
Life is fraughtless when you’re thoughtless
Those who don’t try never look foolish
Dancing through life, mindless and careless
Make sure you’re where less trouble is rife
Woes are fleeting, blows are glancing
When you’re dancing through life
I even watched the movie on my plane outward bound journey playing this scene over and over. Dancing through life is a phrase that brings a sense of joy and flourishing but leaders simply can’t avoid trouble or woe filled situations. Yet, we are expected to keep cool. We do our best to be mindful, thoughtful and critical incidents are inherently emotionally fraught. Hearing this song on repeat was a way of thinking about how easy it would be to be a leader who didn’t think deeply about the situation at hand.
So serenity appeared a week into the summer holidays as I sat in a mokoro on a channel in the Okavanga Delta with my eyes closed listening to water rippling and the animal noises of the wild. Calmly aware that the critical incident had been dealt with, peaceful in the knowledge that I had done my best and untroubled knowing that the community had pulled together at a horrendous historical point in our shared experience as a school.
Further moments of serenity have appeared in yoga classes, where I am reminded that I may wobble but showing up for myself builds the muscle to find balance. I’ve booked lessons until Christmas so looking forward to more moment of serenity as well as a lot of stretching myself!
Normally as I start to prepare for a new academic year I write a wellbeing pledge. This year my leadership pledge is to be thoughtful, careful, mindful and fraughtless - dancing through the year.
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