Should I stay or should I go?

 

I knew I was awake but couldn’t move, so I lay in bed trying to figure out what was happening. I noticed that my ear was wet and realised that saliva was dribbling across my face. I lay consciously trying to open my eyes. It took forever and when I managed to open my eyes I lay in my bedroom grappling with some big questions.

I either continued to take the pain killers to help me deal with my injury or I stopped taking them. If I continued to take them then I would have to agree to the 4 weeks off work that the doctor had suggested or I stopped taking them and went into school in agony. As I couldn’t move I had a long time to think about the traumatic event that had led to this problem. I also thought about my role as headteacher. Could I really take 4 weeks off as we had returned from lockdown? Did my staff, students and school need me? Presenteeism is something I always say to staff isn’t good. Should I model my own advice? Would me being off reenforce that I was really injured? Should I now give up teaching and move on to another sector?

When you are chemically immobilised but your brain is active there is plenty of time to reflect. So I rewound my thoughts back to the event and played it back. On lunch duty I had been punched in the back by a student. The blunt force used meant I couldn’t feel my shoulder/ arm for around 4 days. This all happened at the end of lunch in front of lots of students so obviously I went into teacher mode not letting emotions come out. Indeed it was only almost half an hour later that I made it to a safe space by myself to stop. 

I realised that phone calls and paperwork needed to be completed so the adrenaline kept me going. Even talking to people I think I truly played it down - words such as a serious event but I was ok kept coming out of my mouth. I heard people telling me to call them if I needed to talk and to call the police. I knew that police would say we don’t like to criminalise children so I didn’t make the call. Shock makes people do strange things. 

I have a long commute and drove home wondering what to tell my family. I played it down and said there had been an incident but that I was ok. No further details. That night I couldn’t lean back on the sofa, changing clothes was painful and trying to find a comfortable sleeping position was not easy. 

The next morning I could so easily have rung in  ill but I had paperwork that had to be completed. I also knew the students who had seen the event would notice if I wasn’t in school. Staff already knew what had happened to me and would be concerned if they didn’t see me. So I made the decision to go to work. I still couldn’t feel my arm. I was in agony unless I put my arm on an armrest or walked around holding it with my other arm. 

Driving into work that morning I was greeted by torrential rain. I stood at the student gate with my umbrella and a massive smile, greeting everyone with a cheery good morning. Inside I couldn’t believe I was doing this but I knew I needed people to see I was still there. Staff asking me how I was were greeted with comments such as “a bit of a sore arm but I’m fine.” 

It was only at the weekend when my daughter hugged me and I squeaked with pain that I had to explain that I was in agony. It made me realise that without adrenaline and shock that I was badly physically injured. When a doctor tells you that you must have medical intervention it all takes a different toll. So I did ring the police. Reliving the incident and having a police officer tell me that the threshold for assault with actual bodily harm had been reached made me feel really sad. After over 20 years in education it had come to me being the victim of a criminal act from a minor. 

I started to do research around national statistics about physical assault towards adults and I realised that lots of people are victims every year. When you try to find out how people coped there isn’t a lot of clear information out there. I am still in pain but have discovered how to cope to alleviate the issue. The fact that I showed up everyday astounds me. School continues whether you are injured or not. Children move on and these traumatic events are quickly forgotten. 

Thankfully there are support phone lines for educational professionals. Charities support those in need so that they can continue their jobs and lives. 

This blog has not been written for sympathy. I hope that if a colleague is injured in a school and they want to hear that this has happened to others at least there is an account shared. 

Going back to my original question - should I stay or should I go? Twenty years into teaching and I am still proud to be a teacher. I know this is an unusual event that happens rarely. Letting people know that you are there matters. Letting people know that you support them to stay home or come in is supported - matters. Letting people know that even if they look like they have physically recovered that mentally you are there for them - matters.